I moved this back to the top because I had a question or two to add -- PT
Let's talk about cliques.
There are cliques in every gathering of people.
CGHS certainly had 'em.
I always thought they were destructive, and tried to avoid being part of one.
Jocks....
Eggheads......
Hoods........
and then......"Other".
Gals, please comment on the clique subdivisions you experienced.....I know there were groupings for the gals too, but I wouldn't assume to identify them!
When did you begin to feel the pressure to be part of a clique?
For me, it was late in Grade School, and I didn't like the pressure.
I had friends from classes above and below us that fell into all the above groups. I didn't want my friends to be all from one of the above categories.
I think I was successful. By rubbing elbows with all the sub-groups, I was able to better keep my finger on the pulse of what was going on in school, and I could fall back on friends from the individual groups to "watch my six"........ help keep me out of trouble.
For all of us, peer pressure was huge. For some it was worse than others. I'm sure there are a thousand stories to be told......the big question is, CAN they, WILL they be told?
Do you have a story you can relate without hurting feelings?
I've previously admitted to being ashamed for treating a classmate poorly.......
one of the wonderful things about our mini-re's is that I was able to personally apologize for being an *##@+$%........!
I look forward to your views and comments.
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14 comments:
It is interesting that you brought this "clique" topic up GB; because I vividly remember Mr. V giving us one of his famous speeches one morning and saying that "he would not tolerate cliques at C.G.". I thought, what in the world is a "clique"? I think we were in early high school when we received this speech. At any rate, I never thought I was in a clique (after I found out what it was!). I wondered at the time what inspired Mr. V to give that lecture. I never felt the girls in our class had cliques. Perhaps there were special groups and I was too "spaced" to be aware. But I always thought that the girls all
were "all for one and one for all".
The "mini" sounds like it was wonderful. I am just recovering from a horrible case of Strep Throat. Hope I can join the group for the next "mini" or whatever. I miss you all.
Do you have your crystal ball out of storage?
Oddly enough, Fergy and I briefly touched on this very topic at the Mini! We decided that "groups" were formed early on because of geographics. We became friends with the girls that lived close to us. That "girly bond thing" happened with who lived next door, down the street/road, or in the neighborhood.
I'm back at the "Valley Kids" and the "Mount Pleasant Gang". The socio-economic and geographic influences were the roots for the female bonds. Later, when we became mobile or dated, there were some shifts in our relationships. But for the most part, those early bonds stuck through highschool.
An interesting thought: because of alphabetical seating in most classes, I really liked a lot of the "H, I, J" kids. The Johnson girls, Golden Horse, etc. I never even knew where they lived, because I didn't live close to them...but I still really liked all those alphabet neighbors in my class.
Last Thought: I liked all the kids in our class and I never intentionally meant to hurt any of them...
Confession: I remember many times when I felt left out of activities. I never really had a car to use and had to rely on kids asking me to go with them...sometimes I wouldn't get asked and couldn't bring my self to ask "again and again" for rides. But, that's what I got for dating an older guy; then after his graduation, I was left without "wheels".
I just thank everybody who drug me around with them! Thanks!
Gosh,
I hope to heaven I was never in a clique and hurt someone. I had so many different classmates that I ran with, with so many different interests.
If you call being in Girl Scouts, running through the fields with about a dozen kids, riding horses or bikes and playing sports, or enjoying people in Drama club, or any of the school clubs, maybe that would be a clique, but I think most of the class, like flygirl said, ran with the people of that moment. Not intentionally leaving anyone out.
I agree with her when she said it was due to location of school and home that accounted for alot of our lives.
I enjoyed bonding with so many of my classmates, that I hold each one dear to my heart.
After watching so many current movies and showing how cruel some kids can be, I think our class was far from being guilty of that.
People's feeling do get hurt from time to time, but that is part of growing up. It is what you do with you feelings from then on that counts.
My husband had gone to a couple of reunions with me and he was amazed at how close of a class we were. That is why he encourages me to go often, even without him. For that, I am truly grateful.
GB, I don't remember cliques that kept others out just to be mean.
I know there were kids that hung out together because they went to the same church, were in band, or were neighbors.
In fact, I don't remember any bullies, either. Well, except one weird guy in band but I think he had mental problems (can’t remember his name but he used to scare the heck out of me). I don’t think he counts.
Of course, I sat between Harry F and a future 500 Queen most of my school life and they were always nice to me. I figured I belonged to the cute-kid group. Hard to argue with that kind of logic.
And of course the Varsity Cheerleaders always sought out my advice for fashion and their love lives.
(Staying reality-based is not my forte but you may have noticed that)
I do have a couple of questions about cliques, though.
The HS near us is pretty big. It has all kinds of kids and dozens of ways for them to get involved in interesting activities. In fact, there are so many things available, it is hard for some kids to choose.
Still there is a large group of “goths”, who wear black, skulk around, have multiple piercings, tattoos (I can’t wait for some of the girls to turn 50 and see how the tats have morphed)
They always look so sad and depressed,,, and scary.
But I can’t remember anything from CG that resembles that. Do you?
At the other side of the spectrum, I see many 9th to 12th grade kids already taking college classes, summer school, internships,,, already worried about their resumes and getting into the right college.
Some of those kids are so focused and stressed, I can’t imagine them having a good time at Jerry’s after the game.
Do you remember anyone that serious in HS?
Lemme tell ya the reason for my post:
I wrote earlier about how I realized I may have had "rose colored glasses" about my years at CG.
TwoDogs, if he will, has gotten personal feedback on the matter, and can address this issue also. He has had correspondence from at least one classmate who has no interest in reunion activities because his/her experience at CG was not favorable.
Obviously, to some, there were cliques, or some kind of social division.
Maybe, for those with personal experiences, it's just to painful to relate to others?
We only had one set of eyes to view our H.S. experiences. Through my eyes, I'd agree that we probably had less cruelty towards fellow classmates at CG, simply because the numbers were so small, if you were cruel, it was obvious to everyone in the school that you weren't a nice person.
Nevertheless, I'm aware that there are classmates out there that felt they were excluded.....and I can only assume they felt they were not a part of any clique, or "fraternity/sorority".
In answer to your question about the "Goths", PT, I think these "excluded" folks would have been the seed for a Goth-type group, if there were such a thing back then.
I agree with your thoughts GB; but if we didn't have cliques why did Mr. V get on his high-horse that he absolutely, no-way; no-how would hear of it or have it at CG. The "Clique" speech he gave was very impromptu....not given with morning announcements and he was very stern with the message.
Maybe he was directing his lecture at other classes; I always felt we mixed it up pretty well as far as activities went at school. I can not remember anyone intentionally excluding others for any reason.
I worked at Center Grove H.S. for about 10 yrs. after leaving Lilly. I saw the "goth" groups at times up-close and personal. Your Bo-girl was in charge of in-school suspension for 4 years (I can't believe it myself)some of those kids were my best friends! Most of them were lost little kids trying to act tough; and my heart broke for some. One or two tried to "speak" to me in their devil worship language to scare me so that I would leave them alone. I just laughed at them; and they were soooo frustrated with me they spewed more made up devil words.
You be surprised at the students that told me they wished they had been in H.S. during the 60's. They knew the world changed after those "happy days"; one boy told me "all hell broke loose after that!"
GB, I feel bad that someone in our class felt left out.
I feel even worse that he/she has carried around bad feelings all these years. However, I feel like he/she must enjoy feeling injured or surely they would have taken steps to make peace by now.
If someone carries a grudge past the age of 40, they have to work at it. To carry it to almost 60!! Hey!! They like to work a lot harder than I do!!
Plus, that person apparently enjoys being unfair, IMHO. I mean, if someone hurts another’s feelings but was oblivious to it or just does not remember that part, then they never have an opportunity to apologize to the injured person. That isn’t fair.
I think "the feeling of being left out" is as demoralizing as "the feeling of being a part of" is exhilarating.
Cliques at CG in the 60s. Probably. Ha! Theres an answer for you. Probably.......
Bo, I think Vandy's speech about cliques was more of a pre-emptive strike than anything else. And I think it worked for awhile. The 'cliques' that we had in our class were more social club type things. Some belonged, some didn't. Did we have some classmates that felt left out socially? Yes. Did we have classmates that were never left out socially? I'm sure that we did. It didn't mean that they attended every party - but, they were invited most of the time. Some folks were never invited.
I agree, Thats just LIFE...but, it had to hurt at the time..
I've heard from a couple of folks as I have hyped our reunions. They are not bitter, and PT - they don't hold grudges. Nothing in a personal sense at all. I think more than anything else, their priorities are somewhere else right now. They have moved on. Although, I have had one person tell me recently that he never lost anything at CG and even if he had, he probably would not go back to look for it now. I certainly understand that - being the social animal that I am. BTW, there was earlier talk of some parties that I don't remember. Could it be that I was not invited?? I hope not. It may be that I just don't remember.... GG, Thank You for inviting me to most of your parties. Those parties, I remember!
See how my mind wanders!
All we can do is continue to be inclusive in our communications but, at the same time, respect those that do not want to be included.
Thank You, GB, for including me in this post.
For the most part, the CG Class of 65 has always been one of inclusion and that's the way it should be. I liked what we did back then and I like what we are doing now.
TD
I can see where someone could feel left out and I sure hope I didn't do that, but there were some things I didn't go to either.
That is one reason I had "open parties", to not leave anyone out on purpose.
Maybe people didn't leave people out, they were just too busy plannng the party and assumed all knew to come. I sure hope so.
Sometimes you have to take charge and just ask if you can come also. The more the merrier.
Thanks for remembering my parties, we had a ball.
I can still remember my dad standing in the back room close to his refrig with the beer in it, when the college guys showed up.
He was always a stitch.
I hope at the next reunion, all can and will attend so we can give everyone a chance to heal. I can't imagine anyone thinking they would never go back. I am so sad for them.
These are out twilight years and time to enjoy each other to the fullest, not harbor anything ill towards anyone.
We had a great class and I love you all.
Now, nuf said, let's party.
For what it's worth, I agree with GB and GH. I think in our class if there was a party and you wanted to go you were more than welcome always. If there wasn't a party; either Ferdy, Flygirl, GH, or one of us girls started getting one together so we could get the guys to (should I say socialize?) with us girls!!! We probably BEGGED people to come. And as GB says we all see things through our own set of eyes. LET'S PARTY TROJANS - YEA!
Yes, I think we all lived in the innocent of times back then.
I would like for anyone that has bad memories to please give us all a second chance to show we really are okay, to come back and join us the next time.
Being left out and being in is all a rite of passage. Maybe someone was a little shy and it was mistaken for something else.
And you might well be surprised that we have wondered about you over the years.
So come on back.
When I see how kids treat kids nowadays, I wouldn't want to be one now for all the flies you can eat.
On the whole, I think we did pretty well back then.
Just have to tell you this...my parents 70th class reunion is this spring from Whiteland H.S. They had only 25 graduate in their class. I asked them if they thought any one felt left out in their class...GUESS WHAT... They said, "yes, their were some who didn't participate in class activities." This gave me some perspective on our own discussion of "cliques" and thought you all might like to know.
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